Three Thing Friday

1. Discovery Channel – Finally Discovery Channel will no longer be broadcasting its fictional programming. This means that there will no longer be mermaid documentaries. This means that there will not longer be a megalodon swimming in our oceans. Hopefully this means that they will be broadcasting more factual programming., programming that I will actually enjoy.

Rich Ross, the new President of Discovery Channel, stated that these programs do not belong on his station, which I have been saying for a while now. Too many people believed that if something aired on Discovery, it must be true. Sadly, in the last few years Discovery actually lowered the intelligence of this country. People believe that the mermaid program was 100% fact.

And this is not the only damage they have done. They have burned a lot of bridges when it comes to the scientists they tricked into being on their fictional programming. Rich Ross has a lot of bridges to rebuild. I hope he is up to repairing the relationships with the scientists that his predecessor ruined.

And maybe we can have less “Shark Attack” shows during shark week too please? Maybe we can have a little less sensationalism? Or maybe I am being too hopeful.

2. Apple TV – When I first bought my apple TV, I would use it maybe once a month. I’ve had it for over four years now, and I am actually using it most of the time now. I am streaming movies, playing my music, and actually getting my $99 dollars worth out of this little black box sitting under my TV. You include the fact that most of my movie collection is now on an external hard drive (and on a separate drive as backup), and I may not even need the blu-ray player under the TV.

Oh, whom am I kidding? Godzilla is on blu-ray, I will always need that player.

3. Getting Old- This getting old crap is not working well for me. The other day I was thinking about how old I am turning this year, and it actually required a lot of brainpower to remember. I mean, I actually had to count it out, and then I had to use a calculator to confirm the number. It’s not that I was in disbelief, I just wasn’t sure that I was right.

I used to make fun of my mother for not knowing how old I am. She gave birth to me, how could she forget how old I am? Well, now the shoe is on the other foot, I have to make fun of myself for not knowing how old I am turning.

Walking into rooms and forgetting why I went in there. Forgetting my morning routine. Actually having to think about where I left my keys. I hate it when all of these happen, and they seem to be happening more and more frequently.

At least I haven’t started calling the cat by the wrong name, but since my mom never remembers my name, how long before I start calling Pips… I mean Loki by the wrong name.

Damn it.

Nobody Gets It

Nobody Gets It.

I seem to make a lot of references that no one else gets. And once you have to take the time to explain the reference to someone, it looses something. Actually, it looses everything in translation. Some of the references I make, some people get, but not all, not even most.

For example, sometimes when I am asked a question, I quickly answer “42” regardless of the question. This answer does get a few chuckles on occasion, but not every gets the reference. Most people don’t get it. And when I have to take the time to explain that it is from “Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy,” a series of books I didn’t even like all that much, I feel that I shouldn’t even put in the effort. And yet, I continue to make that reference.

Another example I can make is from yesterday. I made a reference to the old BBC show “The Prisoner”. And this time, even fewer people got the reference. Actually, no one got the reference. I will grant that in this case, it is a much more obscure reference, but still!

Maybe this says more about me than everyone else… what am I saying? Of course it says more about me. I watch and enjoy the obscure shows so I will be the one making the obscure references. I just have to remember that most people won’t get them.

But “Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy?” Really? No one?

Three Thing Friday

1. The MINI – I both love and hate my MINI Cooper. It is a fun car to drive (like a giant go-kart), for it’s age it still runs very well, and I am really comfortable driving the small car. But it is also expensive to maintain, has a rough ride, and I really could use a little bit more room. Of course, the more room would also mean a bigger car, and I am not comfortable driving a bigger car.

It’s that time of year again, when I have to get something fixed. I will give the MINI credit; it is fairly consistent when it comes to part breaking. It was this time last year when I had the breaks fixed. This year, I may need new rims, and I definitely need new tires. The bigger issue is that I will be the MINI dealership. This means I will be looking at new MINIs, and wondering if I can afford a new one.

The worst part is that I know I can. But do I really want more debt?

2. Self-defense – There is a man on trial for killing a teenage girl who shouted, “I’m pregnant.” Now, I actually believe in the right to self-defense. This man had two teenagers in his home and broke out his gun. Of course the teenagers ran, and this is where I have a problem. They left his home, and he followed them. Yes, the girl lied. She was not actually pregnant. Yes, she was breaking and entering, obviously a pillar of the community. I hate to say it, but if the man shot her in his own home, there would be no trial, or a very short one.

Here is where I have a problem. He followed her into an alley and shot her in the back as she ran away. He ran her down and murdered her. He crossed a line when he chased them off of his property and shot her. It was no longer self-defense. He was no longer defending his property. He was out for revenge.

People may disagree with me. I am sure even some of my friends will disagree with me.

3. Warped – Thankfully, I have my mom’s sense of humor. As an example, the other day my mom sent me a message that said “you are going to miss me when I am gone.” This is a repeated statement she makes, and I replied, “There is only one way to know for sure.” She knows I am joking, because I will miss her when she is gone. She is my mother after all.

And the greatest thing she gave me was my warped sense of humor. Now, if she only gave me better control of it, if I only knew that sometimes a joke is really not appropriate.

Freaked out

On the way home today, an insect of some sort bounced off of my windshield, then off my mirror, and finally off of me. How I did not crash the car, I will never know. As I have frequently said in the past, I am mildly entomophobic (aka insectophobic), and I was freaking out in the car.

I wasn’t freaking out because a bug hit me, I was freaking out because a bug hit me and flew deeper into the MINI. I had no idea where it was! I even heard if fly by my ear. I felt overly anxious. I also had the feeling like the bug landed on me. Actually, I felt like more than one bug landed on me, I felt like multiple insects were in the car and crawling all over me.

Forget being distracted by my cell phone. Bugs surprising a driver in a car have a high rate of causing an accident. Imagine driving down the road and suddenly a spider land on your lap. I know some people wouldn’t react; I would end up in a ditch.

And after all that, I am not even sure the bug left the car. I don’t know what it was. I don’t know where it is. I don’t think I can get back into the MINI.

Or my garage.

Three Thing Friday

1. Sharknado 2 – I stayed up on Wednesday to watch the incredible movie on the SyFy channel. Of course I did. This is just one of many bad B movies that should never have been made but that I thoroughly enjoy. It was corny, lame, had bad acting, and was just a fun movie. It set the record for most viewers for any SyFy programming. It was, for a brief moment in time, the holder of all the top ten in tweets (not from me, I don’t tweet).

I would recommend this movie to everyone. As long as you go in thinking this will be the worst movie you ever sat down and watched, you will not be disappointed.

2. Ebola – I cannot believe that in this day of modern medicine that we have to deal with an Ebola outbreak. I cannot believe how little news this is actually getting. I cannot believe that we are flying two infected people into the United States for treatment. I know, they are U.S. citizens, and I do believe that they need and deserve treatment, but lets fly a few qualified doctors, and the proper medical supplies, and treat them over in Africa.

I am sure that the proper steps are being taken to prevent these two unfortunate people from becoming the latest Typhoid Mary, but mistakes happen. And one small slip up, and we will have a massive outbreak in this country. And I am not sure that this country could handle an outbreak. By the time CNN and Fox stopped pointing fingers, and by the time congress realized that there actually was a problem, most of this country would probably be infected.

3. Man Cave – My house, a three-story townhouse, is a total man cave, possibly even a geek cave. My three shedding roommates and I did all of the decorating. I have a room that is completely turned over to books, Godzilla and Doctor Who. Another room has a signed movie poster and my DVD collections. Even the bedroom has a sword collection hanging on the wall… for self-defense purposes only.

But the craziest thing about this man cave is the tons of plastic Warhammer models. They are in every single room of this house, possibly even the bathrooms (I cannot confirm this). Heck, even my living room has my hobby table. And right now it is covered in small projects I am working on.

This is why I cannot have people over… they may see the real me. That… and the cat hair.

Too Offensive to be Made

I can’t explain why, but one of the funniest movies ever made came up in conversation at work today. Oddly, it is a western, and it is freaking (censored) hilarious. We were, of course, talking about Blazing Saddles by Mel Brooks. I believe that nearly every person I talked to has enjoyed this movie, maybe one or two didn’t. Every list of “The Greatest Comedies” I have ever seen usually includes this movie.  Mel Brooks must be proud. At least they haven’t made a musical out of it. Yet.

The sad part of this is that the funniest movie ever made would probably not be made today. The movie was so offensive that nobody would take the chance on a film like this. Can you imagine a movie saying “Up yours, nigger!” With today’s society, no producer would allow a film with lines like Blazing Saddles to be made by today’s movie producers. Ok, sure, Django Unchained was still made, but most movie companies would never take the chance on making a movie like Blazing Saddles. Producers would just not take the risk.

And what does that say about how far we have come in forty years? One of the people I was talking about this movie with was an African American coworker, and even she admitted that she found the movie hilarious. And we both agreed that it was the intent behind the offensiveness (which she said she didn’t find all that offensive). Mel Brooks, a genius of comedy, made the simple towns people seem so… simple. They were the butt of the joke, NOT the black sheriff.

It’s the intent behind the words, not the words themselves that are offensive. And I think I may have stolen that from George Carlin. I do have to give credit where credit is due. And as my coworker said, this movie should have been more offensive when it was made, and less offensive now. We seem to have digressed when it comes to our senses of humor.

We all need to learn to take a joke. Sometimes, humor can be used to make social statements, too bad we seem to have lost the ability to laugh.

Fellow Crazies

I’m going to relate a texting conversation I had with a friend this weekend. I am not going to use her name, not to protect the innocent, but because I am too lazy to ask for her permission.

Her: I’m in church wish you were here.
Me: Sorry to say, but I am glad that I am not.
Her: I’m just messing with you, our pastor today told us to text someone and tell them we were in church. Because I’m a smart ass I text the atheist. Lol
Me: If I believed in hell, I’d say you would be going there

I could actually see her laughing as she said the smart-ass comment. I seem to have surrounded myself with people who have the save warped sense of humor I have, and this is not a bad thing. There are people I consider my closest friends, and it’s nice to know that there are people in the world as crazy as myself. People who understand my sarcasm, individuals who actually get the Monty Python quotes I sometimes use. The obscure references I sometimes make.

I know that these are the people I want to hang around with. I know that they won’t judge me, just as I would never judge them.

Us crazies have got to stick together.

And what pastor would tell people to text in the middle of a service?

Revenge

Having spent yet another day in bed, I realized that as I get older, colds seems to last so much longer, same with hangovers. What does this have to do with revenge? Nothing, I just needed to get that out of my system.

But onto the revenge portion of today’s blog. I believe my sister’s cat got a little bit of revenge on me. Today, while I was trying to feed the three cats, I was walking around in my bare feet. Not something I usually do, but I was just too tired to care about putting on some socks. And while taking the time to open up the can, Pips decided to walk on my foot. It’s bad enough that she is a heavy cat, but her claws are out most of the time as well.

So in revenge for everyone who accidentally stepped on her through the years, I think she stepped on me. Her claws are sharp, she’s heavy, and I had no foot protection.

And I swear that after I reacted, I heard her laughing.

Pain in the ass, I mean foot, cat.

Red Neck Smile

Four or Five years ago, on Memorial Day, I decided to go ocean kayaking. When I was up in New Jersey, ocean kayaking is something I did about once every other week. The routine would be to load up the kayak early in the morning and drive over to Seaside Park. Once I was parked near my parent’s street, I would wetsuit up, grab everything I needed, and haul it all onto the beach. I had, and still have, no issues with kayaking alone. I would tell my mother my plan and when I expect to be done so someone would know if something went wrong. I really enjoy kayaking with company, but I also enjoy being out on the water by myself. And ocean kayaking is something that I would not bring a novice kayaker to go and do. It’s a different type of animal.

This particular morning was amazing. The waves were not massive, the sky was clear, and the water was bloody cold. It was the perfect morning for kayaking. So I dragged the kayak into the water, climbed on board, and started paddling out into the ocean. There is nothing like being in a wetsuit, sweating because of how warm the air is, and having a cold ocean wave slam into you. It is both exhilarating and comforting.

Well, after about 45 minutes, I decided that I had enough. It was still early in the season, and I was not in kayaking shape yet. It wasn’t the first time I was out in the ocean that year, but I haven’t been out all that often. So, I started heading back into shore. While I was out, the waves breaking near the shore got bigger, but nothing I haven’t seen before. However, I was caught by surprise by one wave and was knocked out of the kayak. It was actually fun, but then I did something stupid. I knew better, but I still did something stupid.

I decided I was going to get back into the kayak and continue paddling in. So I swam up to the kayak, and placed the kayak between the oncoming waves and me. When ocean kayaking, you want to see when the waves are coming, and I could not see past the kayak because my head was at sea level. This was the ocean after all; I wasn’t tall enough to touch the bottom. So, as I pushed my self up to climb back into the kayak, a wave came, and lifted up the paddle, and smacked me in the face with it.

The force of the wave hit me so hard with the paddle that it knocked out one of my teeth. It didn’t hurt all the much, although the cold water may have helped. The subsequent waves dragged the kayak and paddle (they were attached to each other) away from me and I had to swim after them. By the time I caught up to them, I could touch land. I walked back to the car, lugging the kayak that assaulted me. As soon as I got to my car, I called my mom, told her what happened, and asked her to start calling dentists (remember, this was Memorial Day).  Lucky for me, her Dentist said she would come into her office and take a look. So, after a quick shower, and washing down my kayaking equipment, I headed over so that she could mend my mouth.

It was one memorable Memorial Day.

Red Neck

Three Thing Friday

1. Today was an expensive day. Not only did I go and see Godzilla for the second time in the theater, I also donated to my favorite charity, The Cheetah Conservation Fund. I love those speedy cats and I think they should be saved from extinction. Then there was my trip to the local game store. When I got there the owner pulled out a model for the Star Wars game. Of course I wanted this new model, and of course I bought it and opened it up right away. I would be super excited to play it in a game, but the new rulebook for Warhammer also arrived. I am on geek overload; I can barely focus on this blog.

2. So, after watching Godzilla for the second time, I can honestly say that I still enjoyed it. It does have it’s issues, it is a little slow in the beginning and (the rest of this sentence has been deleted due to spoilers). Other than those, it was a fantastic Godzilla movie. I am not saying it was a fantastic movie, but it was a fantastic Godzilla movie. If had to list the three worst Godzilla movies I would list them as #3 The NY Godzilla from 1998, #2 would be All Monsters Attack as that kid just annoyed the hell out of me, and the number one, all time worst Godzilla movie ever made would have to be Godzilla vs. Megalon… Godzilla talked in the movie.

This movie would have to be in my top 5 Godzilla movies. So, if you see Godzilla, please remember what type of movie you are seeing. It is still a Godzilla movie, and enjoy it as such.

3. Distraction. I get so easily distracted, which is why this blog took me hours. Between an old Godzilla, a new rulebook, a chat, and models that must be painted, I had too many distractions. Maybe I should find a writing room, less distractions, more writing.

Yea, that’s not likely.