On the way to my parents temporary home for my Easter lunch, on that long drive to NJ, I saw a cat on the side of the road that had gotten killed. I usually get this feeling of sadness when I see a dead animal on the side of the road, but this time it was a little worse. For some reason I thought of my cat and the two guest cats. You add that on top of the bad morning I was already having, the bad feelings I was already going through, and I just got swamped with this profound sadness.
I usually feel bad for anything on the side of the road. A thought of “This wouldn’t have happened if man wasn’t driving on the road” goes through my head. Let us ignore the fact that these animals haven’t learned to look both ways before crossing, and cars have been on the road for over a hundred years. I just can’t shake the feeling that animal life would be better if it weren’t for us and our cars.
I know, it’s stupid that I feel that way. But when it is a cat or dog on the side of the road, I always think of how I would feel if it was my pet. It doesn’t matter that the dead animal could have been a stray, I always think of Loki. If I lost Loki that way, I would be crushed. Sure the fur ball is a pain in the ass most of the time. And yes, he does hack up hairballs in my bed a four in the morning (still mad about my Monday morning). But he is my pet. Well, maybe I am his, but I have grown attached to the little guy.
I know that one day I will have to deal with his loss.
And I know that when I see another dead animal on the side of the road, that feeling of guilt will hit again.