Wait a Second

I am fantastic at second guessing myself. In every aspect of my life, I question choices I make. This probably ties into my insecurities, but it seems that the more confident I think I am, the more likely I will second-guess myself. I know that sounds backwards, but it does seem that that is how my brain functions.

I could be taking a test, and I know I know the answer, but I question the answer I put down. At work, I have been working the same contract for years. When a question comes up about the contract, I have to double check with a coworker even though I may have answered the same question a week earlier. Even choices I make in my personal life, I may feel like it was the correct choice at the moment, but when I reflect upon it further, I question it.

The problem with the second-guessing in my personal life is that I begin to dwell on whatever choices I made. And the dwelling on those choices leads me to consider other options I could have made, and then it leads me to a sadness that I can’t describe.

Would this choice have been better? Did I make a mistake doing that? What would have happened if I made this choice instead? I dwell and dwell, and get caught up in thinking about a lot of nothing. And it’s not that it’s nothing, it’s that there is nothing I can do about it. I am stuck in the now, like everyone except Doctor Who. I am stuck in the now, but my mind is stuck in the past.

And the sadness, it’s just sad. I do move on, I do find happiness again, at least until I begin to dwell on something again.

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