Das MINI

I take a lot of flack for driving a MINI cooper. And the MINI takes a lot of flack for being a MINI. I admit, I like the car, and it fun to drive. I will also admit that the MINI does have some issues, but most of those are user error. I can’t blame MINI or BMW for when the operator bent the suspension. In fact, for how hard the curb was hit, I’m surprised that more damage wasn’t done. And right now, I can picture a certain someone smirking.

Complaint number one; the MINI does have a rough ride. I mean, spinal chord compressing rough. And that’s in the front seat. In the back seat, if you can actually fit, you become a part the suspension. I already owe someone a few paid trips to the chiropractor, if not to the surgeon, in order to fix her spinal chord. This is because my MINI has run-flat tires and a racing suspension. It is designed for handling, not comfort. So, it is fun to drive, but even I admit it has caused me to send some of my money to my chiropractor. Hell, if you hit an ant hill at speed, you will feel it.

Complaint number two; it may be possessed. I have a history of cars with weird electronic issues. My Ford T-bird randomly turned off it’s own lights. The T-bird and the GTI randomly didn’t play certain CD’s, usually country music. OK, that was something I enjoyed about my radios. The MINI? Well, it seems to either be possessed, or have it’s own intelligence. Recently, on really cold days, it seems to have turned up the heat on it’s own. I’m not complaining, except that suddenly it gets really hot in the car and that’s when I notice how high the heater was set. It’s also gets a weird electrical surge on start up on really cold days. I can’t explain it; I just have to live with it.

Complaint number three; the heated seats. Don’t get me wrong, I like the heated seats, but they seem to have only 3 settings, off, searing hot, and make your ass sweat. Nice in the short term, but not so nice in the long term. I’ve had passengers, well, one passenger, who would turn my heated seat without my knowledge. And I wouldn’t realize it till I was uncomfortable.

Final complaint; the speedometer. The thing is massive. A car two miles behind me can read it. And it’s not in front of me, it’s located in the middle of the dashboard. When I drive someone else’s car, I keep looking for the speedometer in the middle of their car. I have to think about where it should be.

And now, for someone to comment about how I owe her a new back.

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