Columbus day is the strangest U.S. holiday. Yes, I know that on Labor Day we celebrate the labor force by not working, but look at what we celebrate on Columbus Day.
We celebrate failure. Columbus organized his vacation cruise to discover a more direct route to India. He was obviously so successful in this endeavor that we call Native Americans “Indians.” Chris Failed. He didn’t find a direct route. He didn’t even find Indiana, let alone India. He saw land and said “Woo Hoo! No need to investigate further, I shall declare this land India.”
We celebrate him “discovering” the land we now call America. But wait; was he the first person from Europe to land here? Well, maybe not. There is plenty of evidence that the Norse, also known as the Vikings, may have explored this land as well. In fact, it is estimated that they Norse were exploring North America as early as the 10th century A.D., just a few years before Mr. Columbus made his discovery.
We celebrate the fact that we took our land from the “Indians.” I mean, of course it’s their fault for being on our land before we were. That should be obvious. We celebrate the infected blankets, the wars, and the slaughter.
Columbus discovered land that was already discovered. So, here’s to failure, Happy Columbus Day.